DON’T EVEN KNOW I AM LYING

Our default position when facing past problems was to live in denial that they even existed.  It’s only natural to assume that as we face problems in our recovery, we will be prone to denial once again.  Dealing with anger, shame, and hurtful relationships can make us vulnerable to our continued use of denial.

The human heart is the most deceitful of all things, and desperately wicked. Who really knows how bad it is? But I, the Lord, search all hearts and examine secret motives.  (Jeremiah 17:9-10a NLT)

It’s so easy to blame others for problems we currently experience.  We are accustomed to minimizing our issues and find it difficult to be vulnerable and honest in admitting what is truly going on.  In recovery, we now find ourselves acting in the same way when faced with frustration and failure.  Angry reactions and heated arguments indicate that denial is still fueling our thinking. We make excuses for our behaviour and hope the reasons we give will be enough to avoid taking any necessary action.

Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me and lead me in the way everlasting. (Psalm 139:23-24 NIV)

Today is another opportunity to deepen our awareness of how denial continues to affect us and to invite God to bring about positive change.  A simple inventory might include questions like:--What denial techniques do I use to maintain the lie that I don’t have a problem?  In what way do I allow God to search me and name any thoughts, motives, or behaviours that are offensive to Him?  What do I do with what God reveals?  What action do I need to take so I can live in the freedom that God promises?

Prayer: Heavenly Father, I confess that my heart is deceitful.  Forgive me for the times I have sought to escape responsibility for my actions through denial.  Fill me with the courage and strength I need so that I can change my ways and do what is necessary to live honestly and deal with what is true.  Amen